A Home for the Redeemed by Sue Behnke

Author:Sue Behnke [Behnke, Sue]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
ISBN: 9781512748413
Publisher: WestBow Press
Published: 2016-07-19T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 47

Understanding Jane

Benjamin was trying his hand at prayer. Jane was not in, so he sat in her prayer corner, wondering what to do. His mind was racing, which made it very hard to focus on anything in particular. His life was becoming erratic, almost dysfunctional. He wanted to pray for that inner peace he could see on Jane’s face, for that glow that would rest on her features after prayer.

He tried to speak to God, but his eyes were wandering in the room. They rested on the carpet, looking at the small intricate design. He tried to see messages, things a mighty God would want to tell him, but it was not the same. It somehow lacked that powerful peace that commanded his attention.

His eye noticed a piece of paper under the desk. It was crumpled. It had missed the lovely little bin by the desk. Benjamin picked it up. It was a letter Jane had written to her ex-husband.

Jealousy and anger gripped him. Was Jane trying to go back to this guy? Why was she connecting with him? He started reading, trying to master the fury tugging at his heart.

Dear Jordan,

Another Christmas is coming, and that familiar sense of loneliness hovers in the air that I breathe. I have shed much of the bitterness, and I’m no longer shaking my fist at the heavens. My heart has settled, and my memory hangs on to a few positive deeds you left behind in a desperate effort to release you peaceably.

I have been fiercely angry, Jordan. Your departure was quite spectacular, and I took it quite personal. I used to feel like you engraved a tattoo on my forehead, a neon sign that hollered to the world. “Rejected.”

I have seethed and roared at you for so long, wagging a finger at your mistakes and at your weaknesses. I have declared myself righteous, and I have howled for revenge—that is, until a gentle breeze started blowing, washing my heart with a thought. I don’t suppose I have been there for you either. We have lived our separate lives under one roof. I’m starting to see so much more possibilities in a home.

It took some effort to pen my heart to this paper. Truth be told, I made mistakes being Benjamin’s wife too. I saw him hurt and angry. For a time we wrestled with the sweet temptations of bitterness too. But you know something? As I have forgiven you, Jordan, Benjamin keeps choosing to release me as well, and the cycle of blame and accusations is broken daily. We are finally at peace. Hope and faith are back in the family, so we’re finally happy.

I’m convinced that God has forgiven me for breaking the vows I made to love you forever. I just know in my heart that my past is clean and my earlier sins washed and forgotten.

I forgive you too and let you go. I embrace my new life, and I’m so looking forward to dedicate to God a new life with Benjamin.

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